All Truth – No Dare, Vol. 2

I think it’s really ironic that in All Truth – No Dare, Vol. 1 I used a picture of my husband and I during our wedding reception, which was just six years ago. It’s ironic because we have decided to divorce – during the holidays, no less. I am truly heartbroken, although I’ve had a feeling our marriage was on a downhill slide for quite a while and that it would culminate in us breaking up forever.

I’m sad not only for myself – us – but for our little boys, Jack, who is almost three, and Hank, who is a year old. Although they hopefully won’t remember their mommy being in emotional turmoil and their daddy leaving to make his own home, I’m so scared for them.

I know they won’t understand right now why Daddy is leaving and I don’t know what to tell them, especially Jack, who is incredibly precocious – he’s witnessed me crying every day since we made the decision and even has hugged me, wiped my tears, and told me it will be okay. Our babies are just so innocent, doubly breaking my heart.

At first I was really angry, now I’m sad and working on accepting reality. I know I’m going through the stages of grief – divorce is truly a death – a death of a marriage, a nuclear family, a life built together. Luckily, my soon-to-be-ex-husband – it’s so hard typing those words – and I had a really good, peaceful, and truthful talk last night.

We both want the divorce to be amicable and not contentious and to focus on the well-being of our babies, who deserve parents, even though we won’t be married anymore, who are both happy and live for them.

I honestly think the divorce will make him step up even more as a father – it was like pulling teeth to get him to change diapers, make bottles, even to pay attention to Jack, who would try his best to get E’s attention, only to be ignored. Now, he’ll have to prove himself.

E’s own father left his family when he was 12 and pretty much abandoned E, only to expect to have his ass kissed now. But, that’s a whole other story. Anyway, E is adamant that he doesn’t want our babies to experience what he did with his own father; he wants to be present and even stay in my little hometown – E is a city boy at heart – and his wanting to stay here, where our children are, means and says so much.

E is my first and only true love – I will always love him as the father of my boys. I’m probably aiming too high, but I wish we could still be best friends – I know we’ll always be as close as a divorced couple with children can be – I figure I’ll just need to play it all by ear. Another great thing for me is that I’ve never felt like I needed validation from a man to be my whole, true self. I know I’ll be satisfied simply living for my children and hopefully furthering my career.

I’m a social worker – working now as an outpatient therapist – and I do honestly feel like such a creep when it comes to my job. I know I’ve driven my boss insane with all of my personal issues interfering with work duties – he’s worked with me so much and has been really understanding, but I have enough sense to know that there is only so far he can be pushed. I took off work today for the thousandth time recently and I feel so awful leaving my clients in the lurch. But, I will go back to work tomorrow and do my darnedest to stay strong and get back to functioning.

I’m so very lucky to even have a job – with benefits – and I’m trying not to worry about being told to hit the road by my boss…I truly don’t think he will, but I’m still nervous about it. I hate it when stuff interferes with my responsibilities, but sometimes, and I’ve been told this by a lot of my loved ones, I need to take care of myself. Self-care has always been a tough task for me – I worry much more about others and neglect myself often, only to end up spiraling out of control and end up in a pit that takes for ever to climb out of.

E was my first real boyfriend and we met when I was 24. Our official anniversary of first meeting will be Thanksgiving Day – we met and fell almost immediately in love on Thanksgiving 2007. It’s weird how our divorce anniversary falls in the same time period…But that’s all right – I’m not hung up on the dates.

So, this will be our first Thanksgiving apart in ten years…it’ll be odd, but I’m really looking forward to reconnecting with my family. I feel like I’ve isolated myself from them over the years – just trying to hold my marriage together. I realize that I have more support than I ever could have imagined and there are many strong men in my family who can serve as extra role models for my boys. Plus, my babies need to get to know all of their cousins from my side of the family; they’ve spent a ton of time with E’s people – now it’s my people’s turn.

In closing, I’m going through something I definitely never wanted to happen, but it’s something I’ve had a feeling has been coming for quite sometime. We held it together as long as we could. The best thing that’s come of our relationship is the fact that we created two amazing souls, who will forever enrich our lives as we hopefully enrich theirs. I also hope that I will have a friend for life – though probably not nearly as close as in the past – in E. 

Thank y’all for reading this – please don’t feel sorry for me if you’re leaning in that direction – I will be just fine.

Love, Maggie



20 Comments

  1. Ashleigh Williams Reply

    Your son jack sounds like such a sweetheart.

    I’m glad you have a strong support system to help you get through this, You’re such a strong woman and I know that everyone In our blogging community loves and supports you so much! 🙂

    • You are so precious, Ashleigh! Your kind comment has seriously made me smile! I love y’all back!!!!

  2. Sarah Campbell Reply

    I JUST want to hug you Maggie! I’m SO sorry this is happening to you my love 💖

    • Sarah, I can feel the love! Thank you so much; it’s been a little bit and I feel better every day! Thanks so much for being there! <3

  3. Hugs Maggie. You are so brave to be sharing all of this. All my love goes out to you this holiday season. ❤️

    • Thank you so very much, Danielle! I appreciate your comment so much. Yeah, the holidays will be weird, but I’m working on reframing all of this into a new, good beginning!

  4. Nicole @ Boundless Bookaholic Reply

    So sorry you’rE going through this. Not that this is a good thing, but At least the kids are young…divorce is much harder on older kids! Stay strong!

    • Thank you so much, Nicole! I totally agree with you – I’m so glad we’re doing this – it was inevitable – while our boys are babies. It’s sad, but in the long run, it’ll be so much easier for them to adjust, I think.

  5. Sweet Maggie, you’re a strong bb and I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. May God bless you and keep your children feeling comfortable and loved by both of you and E ,as well as your families. Have a beautiful Thanksgiving. I hope things start feeling better for you. As someone whose parents divorced when I was very little, trust me, your babies will understand and appreciate what you two do for them.

    • Aw, Dina! your comment has made my eyes literally water! You are so sweet to pray for us and reassure me that my boys will understand – they’re definitely the ones I worry about…I did have a really good, but weird, Thanksgiving and I hope yours was amazing! <3

  6. Diana @ The Bookish Sisters Reply

    I’m sorry things didn’t work out, Maggie! I don’t know you a lot but I have a feeling you are going to get through this and you’ll do your best to give your little kids the family they deserve.
    I hope you have a good time this holiday season (as much as you can anyway). And i’m sending you lots of hugs and kisses from Mexico!

    • Thanks so much for the hugs and kisses, dear Diana! I can feel the love from all of y’all and I can’t express how much I appreciate every kind word. Since writing this post, I do feel more like myself again and I’m ready to move on! <3

  7. You are really strong Maggie! I hope you know if you ever need people we are always here for you! 🙂

  8. You are so strong Maggie! You have so many people here who love you and are here if you need anything!

    • Thanks so much, Kris! I’ve totally learned even more as I read through comments tonight – finally – how much love and support there is out there! I love you guys! <3

  9. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! You are such a great mom and person! You are so loved by your friends and family! And us fellow bloggers. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I haven’t gone through what you’re going through, but I can at least listen <3

    • Thanks, so much, Shawn – your comment means so much to me! I love y’all so much! <3

  10. You are such a strong woman Maggie! Know that you are loved by your kids, family & friends including me and your other blogging friends!
    That part where you said Jack hugged you and wiped your tears was so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.
    I’m glad E is staying close for the boys, that’s very importaNt.
    I haven’t gotten through any of this myself, but if you ever want to talk I’m here for you💜

    • Thank you SO much for the kind words, Linda! Although we can’t be together in real life, I can literally feel the love and support coming from you and the rest of our little group! I can’t get over Jack – he is so amazing…That’s the best thing that came out of E and me being together – our little sweet boys…Thanks so much again! <3


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