Blogging Blahs

I really love blogging – so much, whether or not I gain a following. I just enjoy the freedom to write what I want, when I want and to decorate my blog. If you haven’t noticed, I change the look of my blog, even subtly, quite often. However, I’m pretty much in a blogging slump, both here at The Caramel Files and at The Bookkeepers’ Secrets.

For a while, it seemed like I was churning out blog material left and right, even if some of that material was merely a nugget of an idea. Now, I can thing of nothing to write except about my apparent blogging slump. Seemingly, I yearn to write the most when I feel like I can’t – when I’m simply and painfully devoid of original thoughts.

As you might know, I’m ‘participating’ in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge this year. I started out with a bang when the month-long challenge began April 1. I had scheduled some essays I was proud of, then I got behind. Whereas in the past I would have simply given up on the challenge, I’m going to post my letter-based essays as they come to me – even if I post into May. I did well with posting on time until I reached the middle of the alphabet – I’m stuck on O.

I’ve been incredibly absent at The Bookkeepers’ Secrets and I hate it. I’m just struggling to come up with stuff, any stuff, right now. I also have a bunch of reviews I’d like to write, but I can’t seem to get started. On a positive note, I have been doing well with reading and I’ve enjoyed my book choices for the most part this year. It seems like I either do well with reading or on the blogging front, but not with both in unison. I figure I go through phases.

Reading and writing quite obviously go hand-in-hand. When I feel like I can’t write, I don’t feel like I get quite as much out of my reading and vice versa. This sounds like a contradiction as I write it, as I am making reading progress, but I want to read something really rich this year.  Perhaps I am reading voraciously in search of the penultimate and elusive book of the year.

I’m totally stuck again – maybe writing about it will somehow re-release my creative juices. I need that flow, that ease of writing what comes naturally – especially when it involves bookish goodness. As far as ideas for writing go, I have plenty, perhaps too many. I have so many visions for my blog – of additions, of original features, of challenges, of everything. I may have fried my brain overloading it with ruminations regarding my A to Z topic – random essays.

If I wasn’t worried about quality, I would go ahead and write crappy posts that don’t inspire me for A to Z. However, it’s just not in me to do that; I take too much pride in my writing and the basis for what I’ve written. It’s not in me to post something I’m not passionate about, especially when it comes to essays based on personal memories and randomness.

My posts may not always be exactly perfect or have the effect I hope for, but I only hit the publish button when I’m truly satisfied, at least as satisfied as possible. I definitely have a tendency toward perfectionism and if I give in to that side of my personality too much, I basically end up getting nothing done – or started. I think that’s where my habit to procrastinate originated.

So, here I sit, churning out words with great difficulty, but writing nevertheless. I’m hopeful that as I write about my inability to write that tons – I’d settle for a couple – of ideas will zip into my exhausted brain. I have a few ideas for projects integrating fellow bloggers; however, I’m so new to such endeavors, that I don’t really know where to start – how to introduce and structure special blog features.

I’m just a girl full of ideas, yet devoid of thoughts of how to bring such ideas to fruition. Perhaps I’ll get it together suddenly, have several epiphanies, and know exactly what to do as far as The Caramel Files and its contents. I don’t really even know why I’m fretting over blog content – am I too obsessed with perfection? Am I too focused on writing only that which should be well-received? Am I too serious about this blogging stuff?

I don’t have the answers at this time – they may never come and I accept that – I just wish I had a creative crystal ball, one that could reach inside the depths of my soul and pull out ideas without me having to dig for them. But, nothing truly comes easily and when I finally do get something on paper that I’m proud of, the toiling becomes worth it.

Love, Maggie